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Dating for Christians - 1/27/2010 6:45:05 PM
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MyLastTime
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Okay, a little background info.
I was raised a Christian, turned away from it during High School and early part of college, and have now come back to living a Christian life.
I dated a lot in high school and most of them were physical relationships. How, now that I must live by a different standard, do you date for sooo long without doing anything sexual? I know this makes me sound terrible but it is a huge part of everyones life and I want to know how some of you do it.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 1/27/2010 7:30:57 PM
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MyLastTime
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haha, I know, I'm just trying to make discussion in the Young Adult section 
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RE: Dating for Christians - 1/29/2010 10:19:17 PM
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MyLastTime
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Well what about other sexual acts? Are those ok to do?
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RE: Dating for Christians - 1/31/2010 9:04:08 PM
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jrob17
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quote:
ORIGINAL: _Cinderella_
Depends on your convictions, I suppose. Probably the less stuff you do, the better.
No. It is not just about what you are convicted about. Even looking upon someone with lust is just like having sex with them.
But. Hey. Don't take my word for it brother...
"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultey with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28
If you have more questions, check out my website. I just started it but it is getting more and more articles.
www.followthesavior.com
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RE: Dating for Christians - 2/2/2010 10:55:47 AM
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coGanjel
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You don't sound terrible.
I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember and never have had sex. But know this, the older I get the more I come to appreciate just how true it is that God has given us sexual drive and you can't just turn it off.
As one commenter says, you do have to make the decision that you will have boundaries. God will always provide a way out of your temptations. 1 Corinthians 10:13
A few tidbits of advice:
A.Do NOT entertain dating someone who has not made the same decision to be sexually pure. It just does not work. This isn't just wisdom speaking, it's experience.
B. Chances are, you know what turns you on. Step back from there. Don't put yourself in situations that lend themselves to these things.
C. Pray, pray, pray, pray and when you think you're all prayed up in this area, pray some more.
I'll be praying for you.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 2/3/2010 8:53:19 PM
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jrob17
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I have been told by too many people that did not save their purity for marriage that they regret it. I think the benefits of purity and a consecration with your soulmate far outweight the desires we battle over lust every day.
www.followthesavior.com
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/2/2010 5:14:43 PM
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nuclear_sidewalk
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Kind of a late/necro reply here, but I recommend this to any other young Christians looking for standards on dating:
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/dating
Mark Driscoll answers some questions on the topic from his "Religion Saves (and 9 other Misconceptions)" series.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/2/2010 5:48:35 PM
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TheAimes
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Dude you listen to marshill stuff too?? Ever hear of Matt Chandler?
_____________________________
Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/8/2010 12:07:31 AM
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GodsPrincess7
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
G-d created sex to be a wonderful, beautiful thing to have within the institution of marriage. Consider it His wedding gift to us.
I was raised Christian, and I also fell out of it during middle school, high school, and about a year after that. I was sexually active since I was 14, and it came to a point, where sex was just not something to be shared between a boyfriend or girlfriend, but just a motion to go through, something that was expected. Now that I'm really finding my faith and getting to know the Lord much better, I do find it hard to control those urges. I'm 26 now, and those motions became some what ingrained in my mind and actions. Like Tinkerbell said, God wants sex to be wonderful and beautiful! Something that is a gift to my husband. I cant wait to give such a gift to my husband!
As for anything sexual (up to the moment before sex) I would really try and discourage it. It can lead to other unhealthy habits and can ruin your relationship. You CANT have a relationship based on sexual desire, IT WILL NOT WORK. Think of sexual desire just the icing on the cake of your marriage and base the relationship on the mind, not the body.
I hope this helps!
And remember, prayer works wonders!
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/8/2010 12:10:11 AM
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GodsPrincess7
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jrob17
I have been told by too many people that did not save their purity for marriage that they regret it. I think the benefits of purity and a consecration with your soulmate far outweight the desires we battle over lust every day.
YES! I regret it because I know that the guy I gave mine to was definitely NOT worth it. I wish I would have been smart and listened to my mother!
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/8/2010 4:01:29 AM
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serasvictoria
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My husband and I were both virgins when we married (I was 23, he was 24). We had dated for about 4yrs before we married and honestly we were just content with making out and/or hanging out. LOL
_____________________________
Ghosts Were People Too
Christian By Choice, Southern By the Grace of God
www.facebook.com/toriramone
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/8/2010 3:27:37 PM
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TheAimes
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Don't do today what you may regret tomorrow.
God has laid out exactly what was meant to take place in relationships. Sex=Biblical marriage convenant making 2 people 1. If you sleep with multiple people you have interlocked yourself with several people and each one of them hold a piece of you. I want to remain whole for the Man God has for me to marry. Spiritually, Emotionally, and Physically.
_____________________________
Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/9/2010 9:39:35 AM
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TheAimes
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Thanks, It's the way we should evaluate everything we do.
_____________________________
Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/9/2010 2:19:27 PM
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Judson50
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quote:
ORIGINAL: IamLibertarian
Okay, a little background info.
I was raised a Christian, turned away from it during High School and early part of college, and have now come back to living a Christian life.
I dated a lot in high school and most of them were physical relationships. How, now that I must live by a different standard, do you date for sooo long without doing anything sexual? I know this makes me sound terrible but it is a huge part of everyones life and I want to know how some of you do it.
Really, I do not think it is possible by yourself. It must come from the power of the Holy Spirit and from your partner.
If you partner doesn't have the same goal - you will probably fail at remaining pure.
If you don't pray and ask God to sanctify you through the work of the Holy Spirit, then you will probably fail.
It has to be a GROUP effort, you, your significant other and The Holy Spirit. To ignore one is to fail and boast.
For the Glory of His Grace,
Judson
_____________________________
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy Proverbs 27:6
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/10/2010 5:48:57 PM
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nuclear_sidewalk
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As for delaying marriage and having long engagements, I think it's a modern phenomenon... and not entirely healthy. Sure, it may be possible to flee temptation for a long engagement (anything over a year or so sounds long to me), but it's historically bizarre. If you at any point get desperately close to sinning, I'd honestly recommend just eloping. Better to get married than to burn with passion, I (and Paul) say.
I understand that delaying marriage for college is common these days, but it's not any kind of biblical rule. My sister delayed for a while, but they eventually got married 2/3 of the way through her schooling. At 27, I can't see myself being engaged for more than a year. Six months, if I have anything to say about it...but I'm a slow-mover on the relational front end.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/11/2010 12:25:08 AM
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TheAimes
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I would have to agree with the whole not having a long engagement thing. i can't see proloning it. If you are with someone and you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them why wait?
_____________________________
Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Dating for Christians - 3/11/2010 3:46:59 AM
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serasvictoria
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My husband and I were engaged for three years before getting married because we wanted to get to know each other and each other's families more before making one of the biggest decision of our lives. Long engagements have pros and cons, just like short engagements have pros and cons.
All my friends had short engagements because they couldn't resist temptation. They had only known their husbands for 4 months and had decided "he's the one", they got engaged, then a year later, they were all divorced because unfortunately they really didn't know the guys that well and some serious problems had risen up in their marriages. So their relationships from dating to divorce took place all within a year and a half.
My husband and I had been friends for two years before dating, got engaged 6 months into our dating, then waited three years to get married and now we're looking forward to our 3rd anniversary this fall. Even though we had the feeling "he/she's the one for me", we wanted to wait it out and give our relationship more time to grow and thankfully we both were extremely firm about saving ourselves for marriage.
Just my two cents. :)
_____________________________
Ghosts Were People Too
Christian By Choice, Southern By the Grace of God
www.facebook.com/toriramone
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RE: Dating for Christians - 4/12/2010 1:38:22 AM
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Lea_3
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I always disliked the focus on labels instead of the focus on actions. It honestly does not matter what you call it-- "dating", "courtship", "romantic relationship"-- what matters most is what you are doing and are not doing.
The number one rule regardless of whatever it is that you call it-- is making sure you reserve your body and emotions (I'll get to that) for marriage. Absolutely you wait until marriage for sex. As far as emotions. I think that is where one has to really gauge what a person is truly like in all respects before you throw caution to the wind and decide that you're completely in love and blah blah-- I have seen many a decent Christian young lady decide that some guy they've only known for a month is so wonderful and they would so get married to them, only to get extremely disappointed in a couple months' time because of some things they found out about the guy.
This means guarding your heart-- I would suggest to refrain from discussing deep issues until both people have agreed that they are serious about the relationship and want to get engaged. That means not discussing sex until engagement, children, living together after marriage, etc. Obviously little bits and pieces will be revealed before engagement-- I mean, there aren't alot of people out there who would NOT consider certain things dealbreakers such as the other person is a heavy smoker, hates children, etc.
I don't think there is anything wrong with spending time alone in itself-- if you're both spending time together say, going out to dinner, movies, walks, etc. (all public places, mind you), I think that's fine. If you happen to spend some time together alone at your SO's place, I think that is fine but boundaries MUST be maintained. I honestly believe that one way to see what another person is like is to see the state of the place they live in. But that's just me, and obviously everyone has what they are comfortable with.
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