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Do we have encouraging testimonies to share? - 11/16/2008 9:00:31 AM
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csl7037
Posts: 2052
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: online
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I am just reading so many painful hopeless stories and pleas for help here and it's heartbreaking. I've posted those over the years myself. I know we have a couple of positive threads going but I'd like to start one about miraculous stories of marriages saved and what God can really do when we get the pride, hurts, bitterness, anger, and fear (and other schemes of the enemy) out of the way. God designed marriage; designed us to compliment each other and it has to break his heart to see the mess that so many of us live in in our marriages.
I've come here in the wee hours of the morning feeling hopeless and hurt myself. Our twelve years of marriage has been a roller coaster - either really good or really bad! Never faced the kind of abuse or serious crises that sometimes end up here (although I have a higher threshold for defining "abuse" than some people, I think). But we've lived through phases of intense pain, hurting each other, zero communication or intimacy with both of us holding back and lashing out mostly out of fear. We've both been ugly, prideful, self-centered . . . human.
Most of last year was one of those "phases" for us. I was locked up in fear (my biggest hot button Satan likes to press) and wasn't able to show dh any affection, admiration, or even common courtesy...he was wounded, frustrated, prideful, and scared himself. We were walking around prime targets for a fatal blow from an enemy who's prime objective is to destroy lives.
Long story short (to cut to the good part), last February dh had an affair with one of my very best friends from church - must've seemed like the Triple Crown for Satan - attacking two families and one church all at once! Again, it's a long story, but after eight months of tormenting guilt (but a good 8 months for us because dh had humbled himself and was trying to walk more closely with the Lord), he told me what had happened (which I really had known at the time - which compounded my fears).
Dh spent that entire day praying and fasting. But he really thought he was probably going to lose everything. I have had such peace, more than I've had in years, since this finally got lifted off all of us. The last several weeks have only been by God's grace. I'm more hopeful about my life and my marriage than I've been in years. It's not like we haven't had life's regular other problems pop up, things that would normally have put us into arguing, stressful tailspins. God has restored what the devil tried to destroy - and there's no other way I can explain what's happening.
God wants to see marriages restored. But we have to humble ourselves before Him. He will allow us all to break ourselves. When we go and go and try and try in our own power, reacting in our own sin rather than how He tells us to live, we're going to eventually find ourselves standing in a pile of rubble. That's when we can either turn to him or throw up our hands (continuing) in rebellion and just walk away - taking all the sin and hurt and devastation with us.
One of the problems, I have to say, is that everywhere we see to turn is giving us good-sounding worldly wisdom. The pop-psychology marriage advice is nothing but lies and more self-centered humanism. Even what's in Christian books a lot of times is based more on philosophies or what sounds good to man (and sells books) and rarely, or loosely at best, based on God's Word. When we do look in the Bible, unfortunately, it's more often for "justification" (does this meet the standard for me to be able to divorce and not feel guilty?) than for change. God's never going to change just one half of a marriage and that's what we want - change him, I'm not the problem. The pride and fear, which I know too well, only keeps us in bondage.
I've decided to react to the situation I find myself in based on God's Word not some of the nonsense I'm finding in books and online. I knew right away I had to forgive and God told me to look at what that meant - I need to forgive like He does - completely - dh and my friend, holding no blame, holding no right to bitterness or superiority...I had to let that go to keep it from taking root. People tell me I'm going to feel angry, insecure, and whatever other steps they've read in a book - but I don't read that in God's book. Because I'm focusing there instead, I only feel victorious! Instead of dwelling on things that could invade my brain, I'm living on Philippians 4:4-9 and there's that peace that even I don't understand - so if you don't that's OK.
But God does want to heal and restore marriages! Every marriage has two things that can stand in His way though - two people with a free will. If both choose to exercise that free will and rebel, it will only cause more heartache. If only one chooses their sin over humility and healing, God will be faithful to the obedient spouse regardless of what happens. If both choose to humble themselves before God and each other, a miracle will happen!!
< Message edited by csl7037 -- 11/16/2008 10:25:02 AM >
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RE: Do we have encouraging testimonies to share? - 11/17/2008 8:48:48 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 2059
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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Ok, let's see if I can do this.
I am divorced and married my current husband almost 10 years ago. My old husband was a church Christian, meaning he went to church once a week and that was it. My new husband told me AFTER we were married that he didn't believe in God at all. Yes we had this conversation before we got married and he had a different answer. When I asked him why he lied, he told me that he didn't think it was fair of me to "judge" him according to his belief or lack of. So I explained to him that I wasn't judging, but I was looking for someone who shared my beliefs.
I was a bit more involved than just going to church. I did go to bible study, but outside of that, I never read my bible. But I can say that I prayed almost every day.
So now my husband and I are married, and two years ago, I was severely depressed. I didn't know why and I didn't know what to do about it. My husband and I were just two people living together, and we didn't like eachother much. One day, I had enough and found a counselor. Actually, I was given a counselor through a radio station contest.
We were given couples therapy and each of us individual therapy. That was a life changing experience for us. Through that, we learned that our church was poison to us since we were there just to be there and nothing more. He still said he didn't believe in God and that was a very big thing to me because I felt helpless.
Through counseling, we decided to explore different church options. We found the most wonderful church, and about 5 months after that, the new members class came around and I wanted to go. Hubby wasn't so sure, but he went anyway. He never told me why he went, but at the end of the class, we all had to give our testimonies and agree with the church doctrine. I kept asking him what he was going to do when we got to that part since he didn't believe.
But God had different plans. Both of us were transformed in so many different ways. He is now a believer and while we still go to see a counselor once in a while, things are much better and I found out so many things about myself through this entire thing.
I would never in a million years have thought that I would be the person I am today. But I am and through all of this, my husband came to Christ. So while we lived in misery for about a year, we had to because if we had not made that call, we would probably be divorced and he would still not know Christ. AND I wouldn't have been able to come to accept Christ in the way that we are meant to. I wouldn't be in my bible and I wouldn't know all that I have learned over the past two years about God and Christ and that cross would not have as much meaning to me today as it did two years ago.
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