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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/14/2008 12:52:56 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8040
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
The mistake I made in my marriage is I did not help her stay thin when she was thin, and by the time the weight got to a point of damaging our relationship she was too fragile to deal with it. If I had helped her nip the fat trend in the bud we would have ahd an even better life together. I failed her.
Again, I'm sorry, that just doesn't sound like you really got the covenant you made with her - or understand women very well. Bud-nipping is how Barney Fife managed relationships...
I understood my marriage covenant quite well thank you.
You are apparently not getting what I am saying though. So let me try again.
It is a husband's job to care for his wife, to protect her and as much as is humanly possible, keep her healthy. If we let ourselves or our wives get out of shape it is our failing. Face it, it's unhealthy to be overweight (I'm not talking just 10 or 15 pounds here. We all thicken a little as we age. I'm now 15 pounds heavier than I was when we got married 21 years ago but I have much better muscle development)
If we notice our spouse gaining weight we need to help them stay fit. Even if that means getting our own carcass off the barco-lounger and exercising with her. We'll both be better off for it.
It's much easier to stay in shape than it is to get back into shape. Which gets us back to AC's question, how does he help his wife come to the realization that she needs to get in better shape?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/14/2008 1:00:50 PM
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JimboFletch
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
...Which gets us back to AC's question, how does he help his wife come to the realization that she needs to get in better shape?
And unless she is different than 99.99% of the people I've ever met, she must discover that and want to change for herself. Otherwise, you just become a nag to her.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/14/2008 2:05:28 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8040
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
...Which gets us back to AC's question, how does he help his wife come to the realization that she needs to get in better shape?
And unless she is different than 99.99% of the people I've ever met, she must discover that and want to change for herself. Otherwise, you just become a nag to her.
So how do we help her to discover that? Do we just let her go blindly on her self-destructive ways or can we show her some truths? (Sounds kind of like sharing the Gospel actually, do we let them wander their way into hell or do we show them the truth?)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/14/2008 2:27:31 PM
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JimboFletch
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
So how do we help her to discover that? Do we just let her go blindly on her self-destructive ways or can we show her some truths? (Sounds kind of like sharing the Gospel actually, do we let them wander their way into hell or do we show them the truth?)
I know this might sound odd coming from a Christian husband, but prayer and personal example is a good starting point. If you have open communication, you can express your concern over her longterm health but, then, let it go. And the worst you can do is withhold affection unless and until they obey your wishes.
Being overweight can be a little like substance abuse, you have to recognize you have a problem and want to do something for yourself. You won't stick with it just to please someone else. You have to motivate yourself to deal with the effects of changing. Nobody else can do it for you.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/14/2008 2:29:58 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 9446
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
So how do we help her to discover that? Do we just let her go blindly on her self-destructive ways or can we show her some truths? (Sounds kind of like sharing the Gospel actually, do we let them wander their way into hell or do we show them the truth?)
I know this might sound odd coming from a Christian husband, but prayer and personal example is a good starting point. If you have open communication, you can express your concern over her longterm health but, then, let it go. And the worst you can do is withhold affection unless and until they obey your wishes.
Being overweight can be a little like substance abuse, you have to recognize you have a problem and want to do something for yourself. You won't stick with it just to please someone else. You have to motivate yourself to deal with the effects of changing. Nobody else can do it for you.
Truer words were never spoken.
_____________________________
STRESS = The internal struggle created when the brain trys to over ride the heart's desire to tell off some jerk that really deserves to be told off.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/14/2008 9:30:05 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8040
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
So how do we help her to discover that? Do we just let her go blindly on her self-destructive ways or can we show her some truths? (Sounds kind of like sharing the Gospel actually, do we let them wander their way into hell or do we show them the truth?)
I know this might sound odd coming from a Christian husband, but prayer and personal example is a good starting point. If you have open communication, you can express your concern over her longterm health but, then, let it go. And the worst you can do is withhold affection unless and until they obey your wishes.
Being overweight can be a little like substance abuse, you have to recognize you have a problem and want to do something for yourself. You won't stick with it just to please someone else. You have to motivate yourself to deal with the effects of changing. Nobody else can do it for you.
Thank you. That's the sort of info that AC was looking for.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/15/2008 8:26:13 AM
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AslansChild
Posts: 82
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quote:
Really? Might it not just be inattention and being focused on life?
Jimbo,
Maybe that's the case for you, for me as well. But I believe, being closer to the relationsip, that my wife truly has a more overall issue that not only manifests itself in her appearance but also in her personality. I have posted also in the marrigae thread on a more direct question hoping to get input from some of the women.
John_O anf QTman - Thanks for comming alongside and providing the tangible answers.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/15/2008 11:53:10 AM
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terryjohn
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My son whoI love too much is over weight and everytime I see another child who is over weight it breaks my heart for I see them being robbed of the confidence, opportunities and life only good health can bring. The same goes with over weight women.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/18/2008 3:58:21 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1527
Joined: 6/1/2008
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O-V-E-R-W-E-I-G-H-T women... why does this bother men?
I don't know. Never read anything on such studies. To guess, it reminds them that there's three mental fingers pointing back at their own heavyset physique when such thoughts occur.
Why will I not date an overweight woman? It would only be if she made a big issue about us being a cute couple as we are both heavyset in a cute, pudgy way. If she's not built to where she could be my bodyguard (a 265# offensive lineman for the Steelers) and she doesn't feel the need to report her weight before the date and insist I step on the scale, then we will have an enjoyable evening. If there's a thought in my mind that she could have a health issue during the evening's activities, though, I'm sure going to ask her about it before we go out.
Please be careful with those petite ladies, News. Don't let them slip and go down hard... and don't insist they eat their entire meal when you go out.
quote:
ORIGINAL: N-E-W-S
Why will you not date a woman who is overwieght? I do not have a problem with full figured women and would date them if I had the chance.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/19/2008 1:48:29 PM
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bigfrank
Posts: 132
Joined: 12/2/2005
From: Battle Ground, WA
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Answer: It's just not attractive at all. I wish that I could say that it was, but life just isn't like that. Sure, some people have metabolic problems, but the majority of overweight people are uninterested in anything that would cause them to become healthier and that probably carries over into other aspects of their lives. Only the latest diet fads because they're "easy."
For example, I have a friend who wants to work out and get in shape, but never does it. He's not terribly overweight, just 5-10 kilos (may the US please use the metric system?) I ask him if he wants to go running with me but he doesn't like it, so he doesn't do it. This leads me to question his commitment. He used to run a 5.5 minute 1.5km (I'm serious, as an engineering major, the English system is terrible) back in grade school. All I could ever manage was 6. I have a solution to most of people's weight issues, though. Don't eat fast food and get rid of the t.v. or computer or whatever causes inactivity.
Newsflash: People who live healthy lifestyles are likely to be in shape. I know, it's strange, but decent food and good exercise is how all in-shape people are in-shape.
Am I harsh? Maybe. Sometimes the truth is harsh. Would I date a person who is overweight? I doubt it. If I married someone who was not overweight who became overweight, I'd still love her the same, but I couldn't honestly say that it wouldn't be difficult. After all, how could I share a mountain-top experience with a wife who can't make it out of the valley? Perhaps I have more to learn, but this is how I see it now.
_____________________________
A man should never let a salad beat him.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/20/2008 1:33:19 PM
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Cornhusker00
Posts: 14
Joined: 10/20/2008
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It's not necessarily the physical problem i find unnattractive, but the character issue that would allow someone to be overweight. Let's face it, there's really no excuse for someone to be overweight other than they just don't find it important enough to take care of their body.
It simply comes down to discipline. I am still single at the moment, but I work out to make sure that I am in shape to do whatever God has for me to do in life. I also do it because when I get married, I want to be attractive for my wife. I don't want to be overweight for her or some pudge that sits on the couch. I want her to be delighted with what she sees. I don't think it's too much to ask for that same consideration from someone I will spend the rest of my life with.
Someone made the comment that life changes and that when we get into our 50's, things will be different. I have to disagree. First off, there are plenty of 50+ individuals who are in great shape and aren't overweight. When you get up to that age, your metabolism changes, and therefor you have to change your habits to keep from blowing up. Secondly, if it is in your character to be disciplined and take care of yourself, then it won't matter if you are 35 or 100, you will take care of yourself. To me, it's an issue of self-control.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/21/2008 3:35:20 PM
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eaglesfeather
Posts: 193
Joined: 5/17/2005
From: Michigan
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Well there are are lots of chances out there so go dating! They're all looking for someone like you!
quote:
ORIGINAL: N-E-W-S
Why does this bother men? Why will you not date a woman who is overwieght? I do not have a problem with full figured women and would date them if I had the chance.
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/21/2008 4:23:08 PM
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uncabeeil
Posts: 5574
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Joisey. Got a problem wit dat?
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quote:
Wait till you get in your 50's son, before you tie yourself into this answer. Life happens and circumstances change is all I'm saying. I'll give that a big AMEN! Circumstances change, and so does personal taste. What used to be "old and fat" suddenly becomes "hey, she's really cool". You learn to look beyond the outer facade and find out about the person underneath. In fact, at 50 the person underneath becomes all the more important since at that point you're probably looking at your mate for life. And your sex drive ain't what it was at 18, or even 38.
_____________________________
I don't recall all of the details
But I know life is better when shared. -Jon Troast
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RE: Overwieght Women - 10/21/2008 7:09:33 PM
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denbert
Posts: 17778
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-
quote:
And your sex drive ain't what it was at 18, or even 38.
Or 58
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The solution to a problem changes the problem
Denny
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RE: Overwieght Women - 11/2/2008 11:56:06 PM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 1055
Joined: 10/5/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
...Which gets us back to AC's question, how does he help his wife come to the realization that she needs to get in better shape?
And unless she is different than 99.99% of the people I've ever met, she must discover that and want to change for herself. Otherwise, you just become a nag to her.
Well put Jimbo. 100% correct.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Overwieght Women - 11/3/2008 12:11:26 AM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 1055
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As far as overweight women go I'd rather date someone who could stand to lose 20 lbs than a woman who was pencil thin. Even when I'm on a strict nutrient count like I am now I still eat quite a bit and I don't enjoy the company of a woman who won't sit down for a meal with me because shes borderline anorexic. An equally big turnoff for me is women who are too muscular.
Since the question of the thread was would we date an overweight woman, then yes I would. Part of dating however is having mutual interests so even if she is carrying 20 lbs more weight than she'd like she would have to be fit enough to keep up with me since I am extremely active. By hanging out together she'd get fit in a hurry anyway. A deal breaker would be an overweight couch potato but so would a skinny couch potato.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Overwieght Women - 11/11/2008 8:46:07 PM
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alley_cat
Posts: 38
Joined: 11/2/2005
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Well, personally I dont mind a bit overweight. I am myself, so it would be a bit hypocritical if I said otherwise. Obese is another story however. Curves are good... rolls, not so much.
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What your cat thinks when it rubs against your leg:
[I love you][-------------------------------------------------------Feed me now!------------------------------------------------]
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