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RE: Miscarriage thread - 11/10/2009 9:23:14 PM
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Sideways
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Thank you for updating us, Maggie. Praying for you.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 11/11/2009 6:35:57 PM
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TammyIsBlessed
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Maggie - I'm sorry that your husband can't be with you during this time.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 11/12/2009 9:45:01 AM
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anne-girl
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((((Maggie)))) I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Praying for your continued healing.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 11/12/2009 4:31:45 PM
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lesahdee
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I am a mother of 1 beautiful 3 yr old girl, malena marie elise wilson.
I was 39 when I had her and prior to her arrival I had 5 miscarriages. believe me I know what you are going through and I would not wish it on my wores enemy.
It was only by my faith in God and by my reinforcing it everyday with scripture that my little one is here today. WE were working with insurance and Dr on IVF when I became PG with her and with every Ultra sound I wavered, would there be a heartbeat? wuold she still be there? Most woman would kill for a monthly U/S to see thier baby but when you have been through it and every utcome has been bad it is a test of your faith.
I everday had a group of scriptures i read every morning to reassure my faith and speak to how God gave Sarai/Abraham there child, as we know God does not show favoritism with his children what he did for me he can do for you!
my prayers are with all of you
Edited TOS 12 and 13
< Message edited by Kath -- 11/12/2009 7:53:17 PM >
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/10/2009 12:01:29 PM
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myka
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How are you doing Maggie?
Ok. I'm taking a counseling class this semester on grief and loss, and I have a paper that is due next week. My topic is miscarriage, and I was wondering if you ladies would like to share some things that have been helpful for you as you have worked through the loss of your precious babies.
One of the things that helped me was my midwife gave me a list of online resources both websites as well as forum type sites where people could talk to others who had experienced miscarriages.(like Hannah's prayer forums, SHARE, etc) The sites were identified as to whether they were Christian based, also.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/10/2009 10:50:07 PM
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myka
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Maggie, that's great about the numbers.
It makes sense to me that Job and Ecclesiastes are soothing.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/11/2009 1:19:28 PM
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fly0950
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The book "Grieving the Child I never Knew" really helped me with my miscarriage.
It is a hard process. I found it hard because you have really no memories of your baby and the few I had were sad. Seeing him on the ultrasound with no hearbeat...having a D&C etc. But I still wanted to think of my baby...because it was my baby. Even though thinking of him made me sad, if that makes any sense.
Time helps....but then something will set you off and then you feel like you have made no process at all.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/12/2009 9:23:02 PM
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anne-girl
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((((Maggie)))) I can see how those readings would be helpful; some of the "angry" Psalms might be good too.
Myka, one of the things I found most helpful was to be with people who just let me feel whatever I was feeling. A friend miscarried two days after I did; we leaned pretty heavily on each other. Coming back here after several years' hiatus and starting this thread was really therapeutic. I found that after a couple of months, I felt I ought to behave like "normal" at work; even though a couple of people had told me to talk with them anytime, I didn't necessarily feel like doing it in a work environment. It gave me an amazing outlet during the day.
A coworker of my husband, whose wife had had two m/c and a stillbirth, gave him great advice: "Don't expect your wife to get over this quickly; let her take as much time as she needs. She'll probably need more time than you, but that's normal." Without that advice, DH might have worried a lot; instead, he just let me grieve, and cuddled me a lot, which helped more than words would.
The best comment I received from a friend (over the phone): "I wish I could hug you." People who reacted with sadness, instead of trying to find something helpful to say, validated my own pain when it was at its worst. Second runner-up: the numerous people who continued to tell me, months later, that they were praying for us. Most of them had been there too.
Grieving the Child I Never Knew was the most helpful of the books I read through, and I read a lot. (The funeral home was really helpful and had a lending library.) Everything I read helped; what wasn't helpful didn't hurt, and what was most helpful were the sections that made me feel like I wasn't alone... that I wasn't the only one who had gone through this.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/12/2009 9:53:20 PM
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myka
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That is really good advice, Jen. My husband had a mentor that he was working with who gave him some helpful advice and let him talk.
ETA: For those who have read the book, did you work through the healing questions and journal part of Grieving the Child I Never Knew?
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/15/2009 1:41:19 PM
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anne-girl
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I used it as a devotional; I didn't journal anything but I did pray through it. I tended to read it straight through but I'd skip around if a particular subject was weighing heavily for me. I didn't necessarily use it every day either; I often gave myself a break of a few days since it's pretty tough emotional work.
ETA: I also started reading Trying Again after we got pg, and I wish we'd found it sooner. It had some very helpful material about deciding when to try again, dealing with the emotions of TTC after loss, etc that would have been really helpful to me at the time.
< Message edited by anne-girl -- 12/15/2009 1:48:17 PM >
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/17/2009 11:09:15 PM
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dance4joy
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Hey there. I guess I'll be joining this thread for a while.
I found out on Tuesday that I had a very early miscarriage. . .I was only 5 weeks along.
Honestly I almost feel like I don't fit in here because my miscarriage was sooo early. I had barely even had time to get used to the idea of being pregnant, and now I'm not. I kinda feel guilty, like I should be grieving more, but it's hard to grieve for someone you've never met and only even knew existed for a week. . .does that make sense?
Of course I've still cried. . .a lot. . .but more out of disappointment and frustration than any real sense of loss. Does that make me heartless?
Since it was so early we'll probably go ahead and try to conceive again next month. I think I'm ok with that emotionally. Right now I just really want to be pregnant.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/17/2009 11:29:11 PM
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myka
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Emily, wanting to be pregnant is part of the grieving process... You are not heartless...
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/18/2009 11:02:20 AM
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pink..
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dance4joy
Honestly I almost feel like I don't fit in here because my miscarriage was sooo early. I had barely even had time to get used to the idea of being pregnant, and now I'm not. I kinda feel guilty, like I should be grieving more, but it's hard to grieve for someone you've never met and only even knew existed for a week. . .does that make sense?
Of course I've still cried. . .a lot. . .but more out of disappointment and frustration than any real sense of loss. Does that make me heartless?
There is no right or wrong time or way to grieve. Be good to yourself.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 12/18/2009 11:04:42 AM
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anne-girl
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Emily, even though I started this thread I sorta felt like I didn't fit in here because my miscarriage was so late (19 weeks) that it was almost, but not quite, a stillbirth.
The main thing I learned about the grieving process is that whatever you feel or go through is normal (unless you're hit so hard that everyday life becomes challenging, which is different). Don't feel guilty about how much or how little you feel; if you feel as though you're not grieving enough, keep in mind that it may hit you later. Then again, maybe not. Everybody is different.
And I went through the just-want-to-be-pregnant thing too... I think many people who miscarry feel the same way. It's normal to grieve the time lost as well as the pregnancy itself.
((((Hugs))))
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 3/7/2010 8:05:12 PM
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manda59
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Just bringing this to the top for Emily (dance4joy).
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 3/8/2010 9:15:21 AM
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anne-girl
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Emily, cross-posting from the pregnancy thread in case you come here first.
If you're not sure what to look for re the m/c being finished, I'd suggest contacting your doctor/midwife. They should give you a list of criteria to look for. From what I understand, very heavy bleeding (ie soaking through a pad per hour) or fever are the biggest concerns, but my m/c was different since I had an induction/D&C, so I'm sure my rules were different than yours would be.
My midwife's rule of thumb was that other than the heavy bleeding (which can indicate hemorrhaging) and fever, most of the other signs you'll encounter are just what your body needs to do to heal. Eg the last of my bleeding was actually a large blood clot (about the size of my palm) after 2-3 days with little bleeding, but it came out all at once since I was singing for the first time; I figured the pressure from the diaphragm moved things along. I had no red bleeding after that and immediately felt better. My midwife told me it's not uncommon for the blood to pool at the mouth of the cervix and then come out all at once as a clot; the thing to watch out for is fever.
Keep in mind that if your get sent for a D&C it might mean you have to wait longer to try again, depending on the circumstances. I wound up having two D&Cs and I'm pretty sure the second was not medically necessary, but because they weren't clear when giving me the rules at the hospital I wound up having the second. Also, a u/s is not very good at determining for sure whether you've got any tissue remaining.
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 3/12/2010 1:14:30 AM
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dance4joy
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Thank you for sharing your experience anne-girl. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
It helps to read other stories of other women who have been through this. It helps me feel a little more normal and a little less alone.
I've been bleeding on and off since Saturday. It's weird and kind of annoying because I'll stop bleeding completely for a whole day and think it's over and then start back up full force. No really big clots yet. . .nothing's been any bigger than the size of my thumbnail. The doctor says my hcg levels are going down, but I have to come back in and get another blood test on the 22nd to make sure it's back to zero.
Also, the doctor mentioned that my progesterone levels are unusually low, even lower than would be expected during a regular menstrual cycle. She mentioned that next time we try to conceive I might want to consider getting my progesterone checked before going ahead and if it's low I should look into getting progesterone therapy. Anyone ever tried this? I've done some online reading and have found some articles that says natural progesterone creams are most effective and better for your body. I'm just curious if it really works.
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Evangeline Victoria
aka: Mommy's Little Peanut
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 3/15/2010 10:16:56 AM
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anne-girl
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quote:
Thank you for sharing your experience anne-girl. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It helps to read other stories of other women who have been through this. It helps me feel a little more normal and a little less alone.
You're welcome... that's exactly why I started this thread; well, that and the understandably selfish motive of seeking a bit of healing for myself.  It was actually the m/c that brought me back to CW after being away several years, and I found connecting to others helped a lot. I found that a lot of women told me about their own experiences with miscarriages, but that was because we'd made it past 12 wks so everybody knew I was pg; I would imagine that miscarrying before you've told everybody makes you feel even more alone because you don't always know who else has been through it too.
(((((Emily)))))
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RE: Miscarriage thread - 3/21/2010 5:52:28 PM
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daughter_of_faith
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((Emily))--I've used progesterone cream before; however, it did not help us to conceive. In my case, it just gave me false hope as it prevented the lining from being shed. If your progesterone is low, I would definitely look into it (especially after the early miscarriages). GNC has a couple of different progesterone creams.
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Thank you for asking. 
My hcg levels were down to 10,000, so I'm not at zero yet but should be soon. She noticed my thyroid levels were off but doesn't want to treat for that until she's sure it wasn't just a side effect of the pregnancy problems. 
