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Feel like giving up - 3/29/2010 11:12:57 AM
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Janetlove
Posts: 15
Joined: 3/24/2009
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Does anyone here feel like just giving up on the thought of ever getting married? As the years tick by I just feel like it's never going to happen for me. I'm 28 years old and I'm already looking for places that that will take care of me when I become elderly,because I won't have anyone to look after me when I become old. It brings tears to my eyes to think about the fact that at this age I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend. Am I the only one?
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/29/2010 11:46:46 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1488
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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I don't think you're the only one. I have been married before, but since my husband's death it's been 11 years since I've had a boyfriend/date. I am much closer than you (by 22 years!) to being "elderly", and yes, I am considering being alone in my old age.
It is a struggle some days to keep in mind that God's plan for me is to bring both He and I glory, but it is better than dwelling on the sadness of singleness. Some days I really have to make a conscious choice to think of the _advantages_ of being single!
But other days, it's not so hard.
You're not alone.
shallbe
_____________________________
Esther's HoldFast blog
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/29/2010 11:51:28 AM
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rowenah14
Posts: 163
Joined: 3/28/2010
From: Vancouver, BC
Status: offline
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Hi Janet,
I can kind of understand how you feel. I'll be 28 this year and although I've been on a few dates before, I've never had a boyfriend. Some say it's weird but I've been faithful to God and I'm waiting for the man He has chosen for me. Also, 28 is still young! You still have a long way to go until you reach retirement so I wouldn't be looking into homes just yet:) I know it's hard, I'm walking that road myself. I pray you find strength and encouragement in this time. 
_____________________________
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/29/2010 4:23:49 PM
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TheAimes
Posts: 1535
Joined: 10/7/2008
From: Baton Rouge, LA (AKA swamp land)
Status: offline
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JanetLove:
I think many here understand exactly how you feel. As i age i become more and more aware of just how hard it will be to find a mate. I am young i suppose to many here but the majority of my close friends are married or engaged. I have never had a date, never even come close actually. I feel like giving up quite often, like just accepting how it is, will be the way it is always but i know that my God has other plans. Though I may not know WHO nor WHERE my future husband is i know that he is out there. God's timing is perfect, He is never one second late, so each time i feel like giving up i turn to Him. I remind myself of His promises and rest simply in the fact that He holds my future, which includes WHO and WHEN i will marry. He is faithful to His children, though the road may be rough, believe i understand that more than most, We simply have to believe that He will bring our spouses in His time and we will be blessed for waiting.
Don't look into homes, you are only 28 my dear, many many years ahead. Praying that you find the strength and peace of our Lord today and always.
Aimes.
_____________________________
Will you accept the call to forsake it all?
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/29/2010 5:18:55 PM
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KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
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all i get is guy that wants to be my friend nothing else or so far,I know how you feel ,I want someone to fall in love with me and treat me like a woman, sometimes I want to say, if you don't want me I don't want you.
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/29/2010 5:32:00 PM
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Brilliant1
Posts: 133
Joined: 3/18/2010
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Janetlove
Does anyone here feel like just giving up on the thought of ever getting married? As the years tick by I just feel like it's never going to happen for me. I'm 28 years old and I'm already looking for places that that will take care of me when I become elderly,because I won't have anyone to look after me when I become old. It brings tears to my eyes to think about the fact that at this age I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend. Am I the only one?
Awww, cheer up buttercup! It's too soon to throw in the towel. 28? Girl you're in your prime! Enjoy it. I know exactly how you feel though. I've been on a lot of dates, but even dating can get old. We all reach a point where we just want "the one." I simply hang on to the word of God and appreciate His unconditional love in the process. I know that I'm too wonderfully made for him to leave me alone for the rest of my life. There is someone out there for me, but it's all in due time.
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 5:25:45 AM
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davidn87
Posts: 439
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Dunbartonshire, Scotland
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Janetlove
Does anyone here feel like just giving up on the thought of ever getting married? As the years tick by I just feel like it's never going to happen for me. I'm 28 years old and I'm already looking for places that that will take care of me when I become elderly,because I won't have anyone to look after me when I become old. It brings tears to my eyes to think about the fact that at this age I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend. Am I the only one?
I'm 23 and often have the same kind of thoughts. I haven't had many friends since the early days of high school so never really been close enough to anyone to get into a relationship. There are people that I talk to every day but they're never going to be anything more than friends. Never had a date, never been kissed, and a lot of the time, like you, I just think it's never going to happen and i'll wind up a lonely old person. Somehow though I manage to go on :)
_____________________________
It is better to be godly and have little than to be evil and rich. Psalm 37.
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 8:20:21 AM
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rgod
Posts: 2378
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mec
He awakens from his sleep.... like all the days before him. Its the same routine.... and its boring to him. His life revolves around work. There is nothing else he knows. No one else in his life.
He feels his past holds no value, and where he is now.... isnt all that much brighter. He clings on the hope of something good to come.... yet he struggles to find a way to continue.
He tries to make friends wherever he goes. He wants to fill his life with people.... because he is alone. And yet the people he meets, pause and look... they dont know if hes genuine... or if hes a facade. They seek for an ulterior motive. They question his every move... as if there was something he was hiding... a secret....a reason for his actions.... a reason for his kindness.... a reason for his loyalty. But they cant find any fault in him. ...yet they turn him away to find someone else who would accept him.... ones who would give their time..... ones who would listen.... because they did not care.
He tries to seek out a woman....someone he can love... and he could feel loved. One who shares the same definition ...and thoughts about what love is. He longs for the feel of a woman's touch... the feeling of being wanted....needed.....and desired...the look of a woman's smile... a look upon her face that shows love without having a word being said.... it can be seen in her eyes. Yet, he has love...he is willing to share. But that is not how he is percieved. His heart is overshadowed by that of his outer physique. His true identity is not known....for he feels lacking. So he holds onto this feeling... what he wants...this love..this passion in him...and it drives him...and makes him ...want to be a better man. Hhopes one day someone will see him for who he is.
He continues to live each day...trying to make it greater than the one before. But the days are not as bright as he wants them.....he knows that he is hanging by a thread... hoping that he may see.... better days.
mec - I think this captures the essence of what many feel. I also think this was beautifully written, which makes it more moving.
quote:
Does anyone here feel like just giving up on the thought of ever getting married? As the years tick by I just feel like it's never going to happen for me. I'm 28 years old and I'm already looking for places that that will take care of me when I become elderly,because I won't have anyone to look after me when I become old. It brings tears to my eyes to think about the fact that at this age I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend. Am I the only one?
JanetLove, davidn87, KIG877, rowenah14, TheAimes - I've felt that way before too. In fact, I felt it more when I was younger than now, at 38. I felt this way through my mid-20s to my mid-30s. I think it was because everyone else was getting married and also because I was dealing with a lot of different internal things. And up until that time, I hadn't really dated much (I could have counted the dates I had on one hand.) A few years ago, I stopped waiting and started just living my life. I became proactive and started dating a bit (not much, but just a little), started learning how to be open. I'd always been serving the Lord, but I pulled back a bit to get my bearings; to see what God really wanted me to do - and started walking in that direction. My life is fuller than before. I say this because I think that this feeling of never getting married or growing old alone is common, but that feeling, like all feelings that we have, can change depending on focus. I agree with Shallbe that shifting what you think about - counting the blessings of being single, is tremendously helpful. And some may disagree with me, but I also think that seeking the Lord to see if you should be proactive in some way about this is good to do as well.
_____________________________
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 11:42:39 AM
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rowenah14
Posts: 163
Joined: 3/28/2010
From: Vancouver, BC
Status: offline
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Hello rgod,
I like what you said about just living life, it's a great point! I was recently studying the book of Ruth on another forum and that's exactly what Ruth did!
_____________________________
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 12:14:34 PM
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Sammy5
Posts: 50
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline
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I'm 29, and yes, sometimes I wonder what on earth God is doing up there!
I'm not ugly, I'm not diseased, I don't smell bad, I'm quite intelligent and funny, and my friends all tell me they don't understand how I'm single, but for some reason - nothing!
While I was at college I kind of lapsed from going to church etc and none of my friends were Christian. We went to clubs and bars a lot and I learned I could attract plenty of men if I dressed a certain way and danced a certain way etc. But I never acted upon any of it (my friends would hook up often) because I knew that those guys didn't actually know me, or anything about me. I always went home by myself I'm pleased to say now.
Once I left college I stepped away from that scene, went back to church and made new, godly friends. We still go to bars, but to spend time with each other, not to hunt down guys. Besides, almost all my friends are married already.
I've been on dates occasionally. Not many though. Non-Christian guys only seem to want me for the way I look and what they think they can get and don't care about actual relationships.
The Christian guys want me to behave in a certain way too and I feel like I can't live up to the
level of perfection they seem to expect either.
One Christian guy I dated had seen me singing with the band every Sunday and knew my Dad was a minister. He had obviously got a pre-conceived notion of what I was like and spent all our dates or online chats telling me about his mission trips, his favourite worship songs and bible verses and how many kids he wanted. He never asked me anything about myself at all and in a way was just as bad as the non-Christian guys in only wanting me for what he thought I was. He regulalry told me I was 'great' or 'amazing' or 'lovely' but actually he didn't know the first thing about me because he never asked, just tried to impress the person he thought I was!!
So, basically, no serious boyfriends, only a few sporadic dates and I'm turning 30 this year. Not really enjoying that!
_____________________________
http://singlechristianstuff.blogspot.com/
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 12:20:12 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1488
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
I say this because I think that this feeling of never getting married or growing old alone is common, but that feeling, like all feelings that we have, can change depending on focus. I agree with Shallbe that shifting what you think about - counting the blessings of being single, is tremendously helpful. And some may disagree with me, but I also think that seeking the Lord to see if you should be proactive in some way about this is good to do as well.
Shifting what we think about is not only for singles...its for every child of God. We are commanded in scripture to think on those things that are above. If you ask, God will start showing you the blessings in your life, whether related to singleness or not. Looking for those blessings will begin to occupy more and more of your thinking time and engage more and more of your emotions until you find that you think less and less of how awful it is to be single and less and less of the obstacles in your life. Your trust factor in God will rise, too.
None of that can be bad for a child of God.
Being proactive is important too...and also not just for singles. As children of God we should all be seeking to grow and learn. If you are doing it for God and not for the goal of marriage, then you will be doing it for the right reasons. By all means, be proactive--be proactive to grow in Christ. You'll accomplish the same things.
I'd like to recommend a couple of recources I have recently read. My daughter pointed me to the following sermon series when I was struggling with perspective on yet another setback in my life--subsequently the series was turned into a book (which has it's good points but isn't as good as the sermons, imo) which my son-in-law bought me for my birthday and which I have also read.
Sermon Series (scroll down to July for the entire series)A Sweet And Bitter Providence
Book (apparently this is also available free, online, in pdf format!) A Sweet And Bitter Providence PDF
And for "thinking on things above" please allow me to heartily recommend the following book, guaranteed to change your life:
Heaven by Randy Alcorn
Here's hoping you will all be encouraged by these resources.
shallbe
_____________________________
Esther's HoldFast blog
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 3:09:21 PM
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Midwestgurl
Posts: 21
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline
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Hey Janetlove, I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like giving up too.
Would you take some advice from an older woman like myself? I'm 43. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 27.
There came a time, and I'm not sure how old I was, maybe 28, that I had to find new friends. Alot of my friends from HS and college had moved away, gotten married, or our lives had just drifted apart. It was a tough, tough transition. I couldn't hold onto the old friends anymore because things had changed. I remember I hated the music on the radio too. I had to find new music I liked. I had to make some changes.
Why not look into finding a volunteer group, either secular or Christian, and meeting new friends that way? Look into another church's singles group, or anything like that, to meet new friends?
I really think that's the answer. Get out and about and stop thinking about end of life issues.
There is SO much that could happen between now and 80. You are way too young to be thinking nursing homes. Cross that bridge when you come to it.
You have so much to look forward to. My 30s were the best yet. That's when I finally landed the right job, bought my house, and really found my confidence. My 20s were full of insecurity, trying to make ends meet, finishing school, owning one bad car after another, etc.. I wouldn't go back to my 20s, except to take my skinny body back! lol..
Good luck!
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 4:34:06 PM
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KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sammy5
I'm 29, and yes, sometimes I wonder what on earth God is doing up there!
I'm not ugly, I'm not diseased, I don't smell bad, I'm quite intelligent and funny, and my friends all tell me they don't understand how I'm single, but for some reason - nothing!
While I was at college I kind of lapsed from going to church etc and none of my friends were Christian. We went to clubs and bars a lot and I learned I could attract plenty of men if I dressed a certain way and danced a certain way etc. But I never acted upon any of it (my friends would hook up often) because I knew that those guys didn't actually know me, or anything about me. I always went home by myself I'm pleased to say now.
Once I left college I stepped away from that scene, went back to church and made new, godly friends. We still go to bars, but to spend time with each other, not to hunt down guys. Besides, almost all my friends are married already.
I've been on dates occasionally. Not many though. Non-Christian guys only seem to want me for the way I look and what they think they can get and don't care about actual relationships.
The Christian guys want me to behave in a certain way too and I feel like I can't live up to the
level of perfection they seem to expect either.
One Christian guy I dated had seen me singing with the band every Sunday and knew my Dad was a minister. He had obviously got a pre-conceived notion of what I was like and spent all our dates or online chats telling me about his mission trips, his favourite worship songs and bible verses and how many kids he wanted. He never asked me anything about myself at all and in a way was just as bad as the non-Christian guys in only wanting me for what he thought I was. He regulalry told me I was 'great' or 'amazing' or 'lovely' but actually he didn't know the first thing about me because he never asked, just tried to impress the person he thought I was!!
So, basically, no serious boyfriends, only a few sporadic dates and I'm turning 30 this year. Not really enjoying that!
this is what I find hard , like some christian guys want us godly women to jump through hoops or meet a certain criteria,what about carachter or fruit of the spirit . I feel the same way
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 6:04:04 PM
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iamnotforgotten
Posts: 539
Joined: 3/22/2010
From: The Last Frontier
Status: offline
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I totally understand. There has been many times where I have reached the “what’s the point” point. I am struggling with that right now. Last week I have decided to stop praying for a husband, and to start praying for the things I have in my life, not the things I want. But, on the other hand, we are directed to pray for what we want. My prayer now is that I am more focused on what I have already been blessed with.
_____________________________
"God does not love us because we are valuable. We are valuable because God loves us." Fulton Sheen
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 9:49:42 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 5677
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Richmond, VA
Status: offline
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Don't give up - because you never know how God will bring him into your life......including a random email.  For the record, it didn't happen for me until I was 48. And I'd never been married to that point. I'm still not married. We just don't know.
Live your life for yourself; do what you want to do. Don't live your life waiting for your spouse, as they may never show up. Do you want to be 89 and look back on your life with regrets over all the things you'd never done because you were waiting to start your life with your spouse?
Don't do it. Live your life like you are going to be alone - let God bring *him* around.
I know - not necessarily what you wanted to hear, but it is reality!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
14 (go Tony!)
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/30/2010 10:00:32 PM
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KIG877
Posts: 406
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
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I would like to meet someone thats fun to be with that you can relax and enjoy the day with,is a godly relationship, more enjoyable.
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/31/2010 1:16:55 AM
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ForgivenGrace
Posts: 4631
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: offline
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Been on one date.
Never been kissed.
35 and I am not going to give-up.
_____________________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. ~Dr. Seuss
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/31/2010 10:30:08 AM
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rgod
Posts: 2378
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rowenah14
Hello rgod,
I like what you said about just living life, it's a great point! I was recently studying the book of Ruth on another forum and that's exactly what Ruth did!
Thanks Rowenah14! I believe it's the best way to not miss out on life, because once each day is gone, it is gone - never to return. We've got to make the most of the time that we have!
_____________________________
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/31/2010 11:57:32 AM
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mec
Posts: 511
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
this is what I find hard , like some christian guys want us godly women to jump through hoops or meet a certain criteria,what about carachter or fruit of the spirit . I feel the same way
I dont want anyone to jump through hoops or look a certain way. When it comes to physical beauty its a preety face to me, but its more than that.
Its sense of humor, personality and above else their Christian walk. And character is important and certain things I do find attractive than others would.
Beauty is in the eye of th beholder. What I find beautiful will be different than some other guy. We like different types of women and certain criteria that we look for. There are some women I do know theat were or are currently over passed by their freinds who they have feelings for. They are not looked at, as someone that the freind could be romantically involved with. At the same time, I sit here and look at one and I feel for her, because to me what she has is beautiful and she has traits of want a Christian man would want in a Godly woman, yet she is over passed for some reason. Again its in the eye of the beholder.
As for dating Forgivegrace, I have been on 3 dates total, never been kissed. 29. And I still hold onto that it will still work out. God will provide.
quote:
I would like to meet someone thats fun to be with that you can relax and enjoy the day with,is a godly relationship, more enjoyable.
This to me is what I am honestly looking for. From sports, beach, working out, going to church. This I think everyone wants in a nutshell, all to their own things they would prefer. But yes, someone I can be happy with and grow with.
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/31/2010 12:44:27 PM
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kygal
Posts: 82
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Kentucky-The Bluegrass state
Status: offline
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I am 28 and in your boat. I have worried about who will take care of me when I am older but I am beliving that God is going to help me. Will I be frustrated-oh yeah! Will I be mad at one point in time or another-quite possibly. I am just trying not to think on it too much, starting to really reach out to people and start letting my heart come out of hiding because as one of our other members said you never know what will happen. I do have to say that for some odd reason the last couple of weeks I have wanted a kiss something awful.(I've never been kissed-maybe its because of a certain someone)
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RE: Feel like giving up - 3/31/2010 10:00:33 PM
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actorguy282
Posts: 253
Joined: 1/31/2009
From: dusty west texas
Status: offline
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I thought I was going to post a witty but meaningful and uplifting bit of trivia but the more I read this thread I got to thinking I am so in the same boat.At this point I have better odds of getting hit by lightning or hitting the Lotto,Than finding a wife.My best years were taken in service to a family member.And by the time I figured out what was really important.It was too late,And now I;m lucky if any woman looks at me in any kind of way much less romantically.And I also got to thinking that all the promises we are told as we were growing in the faith were nothing but lies.So now I am reexamining my faith,And trying to find some kind of meaning in all this if there is any.Soooo this may be my last post for a while.I will still lurk about and if something catches my eye I might say something.But until then Happy Trails.
_____________________________
There are no stupid questions just stupid answers
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